The last couple months have been rough for me personally.  I’ve given up my personal space (ie my apartment) to move in with my in-laws, my mother is in the throws of chemo; and all that goes along with that, and work, well let’s just say it’s been trying the last few months; with all that’s going on it is hard for me not to fall into that “woe is me” attitude.  And I admit that I often do this, sit around and ponder why my life is so sucky all of a sudden.  But it seems as though the moment I start doing this, it’s like God throws all this stuff at me that proves to me that’s He’s still there and I still have a lot to be thankful for. 

Work is tough for me recently.  I still enjoy the clients and my time with them but I find it increasingly difficult to interact with my co-workers.  The majority of them are not only immoral but amoral; completely devoid of any morals whatsoever.  I am constantly asking myself why after 2 years, I’m picking up on this and find it bothersome.  I can’t answer this question; or perhaps I don’t want to…I am actually picked on because I am faithful for to my husband.  Which brings me to the first thing I’m thankful for–Tim.  Everyday I work with married men who only look at that as a hassle.  But I am fortunate enough to have a husband that is forever devoted to me and to the family we are building (for anyone who likes to read into things, no there’s no secret hidden there!).  I may miss the cleints when I do leave but I won’t miss the other stuff that comes with working there. 

 One of the women that I actually get along with at work, she’s my mom’s age;  her husband is very sick and has been on the vetilator for over a week.  To see someone else suffering as they deal with a loved one, really puts your own trials in perspective.  Yes, my mom is seriously ill, and I worry about her every day and selfishly pray for her to be okay daily; but for now she’s here, she’s able to communicate with and is home, instead of only be able to visit her a few hours a day in the ICU.  If it comes to that, then it comes to that; but for now I’m choosing to be thankful for the moment, for the time we have now.

And last but not least, I’m thankful for my son (big surprise!).  He has a way of putting things into perspective when tears are streaming down my face on the drive home, I look back and see him, and realize there’s more than my despairing attitude.  He’s so carefree, he just rolls with the punches.  So what if he can’t see Grandma today?  There’s always tomorrow, and tomorrow he will have lots of fun.  I realize this is his age and niavete but how I wish I could be like him and less like me sometimes!!  The Friday before Halloween, we took him to a party that Tim’s company put on for the kids.  At first he was timid and clingy and even annoying to me (I have a  low tolerance these days), and I found myself thinking such things as “can’t we have one fun night where we all have a good time, why does everything have to be such a bummer these days?”  But after he ate (let’s not forget who he’s related to) he wanted to be on the dance floor with all the other kids dancing.  His dancing was in reality just him running in circles stomping once in awhile, but he had a blast.  I stood in the corner of the floor always knowing where he was in case he needed me, once in awhile he would stop running enough to see me and wave, then go back to running.  I was so happy to just see my son truly enjoying himself.  I was giggling as he tried to get the younger kids to dance.  I looked around, hoping any other parent saw what I had just seen, but none of the other parents seemed to be enjoying themselves as much as I was to see my son having fun.  Apparently they didn’t need that night as much as I did.  For a brief moment in time, I had forgotten about the stressors of my job, the lack of space for me to get away, or even that my mother is battling cancer; the only thing I was thinking about was how much I love my son and how he is so happy and so healthy; and I couldn’t want more for him than that.  As I stood there, I knew it was an important night.  For one, he had finally chosen other kids over his parents with little regard for us the rest of the night.  That was a sad moment for me realizing that no matter how much I may call him one, he is no longer a baby but growing into a little man.  For me, it showed me that it’s okay not to have all my problems at the forefront of my mind at all times; that even though I may not be thinking about it right then, God will never forget me or my concerns.  He’ll always be there.